Wednesday, June 9, 2010

LotFP: The Movie!

... so today I submitted the box for printing (as in the box itself, not everything inside) and a few posters for myself and the people involved with the cover art.

After that, the wife and I went to lunch, and to keep myself from worrying that the color on the proofs will look OK, I started thinking out loud about what Lamentations of the Flame Princess might look like as a movie.

My thoughts on the matter:

  • In look and feel, it would be like those 60s and 70s British horror movies like Witchfinder General, Blood on Satan's Claw (ahh, Tigon!), Hammer films (Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter, all those Christopher Lee Dracula movies, etc), and the Blind Dead series of films out of Spain, with a Dario Argento-style flair for color and special effects inspired by Herschell Gordon Lewis movies. Using touches like red paint for blood, and absolutely no computer generated effects.
  • Low-key. Basic, rustic visuals, brief and pointed dialogue.
  • No romance or sex.
  • Grim. Utterly humorless.
  • Ugly. The kind, good people are always wrong, and lose, and the disgusting, cruel people are always right, and win.
  • The heroine is neither the most powerful or skilled, nor the most good-natured person in the story. Not even close.
  • One Tyrone Power/Basil Rathbone styled swordfight.
  • An ending that seems like it's building to a smashing climax, and then cuts off brutally, leaving both the film and the plot dead in the water (the Blair Witch ending). It should cement the ill feeling and distress that the rest of the film built, and people should feel maybe a bit dirty for having seen the thing.

My wife pointed out that I'd have to finance such a production myself because there's no way in hell anyone else ever would. I'd likely also have to go to film school because I don't know shit about making movies and what director would want to be my puppet to make this thing? :D


  1. 1.) I'd watch it.
    2.) Thanks for giving me some movies to add to my Netflix Queue.
    3.) Damn Netflix doesn't have "Blood on Satan's Claw."

  2. "...people should feel maybe a bit dirty for having seen the thing."

    Stellar concept, from start to finish. (Although I think you may have trouble mixing Argento visuals with Hammer visuals. On the other hand, it may work brilliantly.) I especially like that last bullet. I now eagerly await the trailer. :D

  3. "No romance or sex."

    You had me at this.

  4. How about "no romance, ONLY sex"?

  5. Based on the Finnish commercials, TV shows, and movies I've seen... nobody from Finland.

  6. So basically a swords-and-sorcery version of "Andre Rublev?"